Thursday, September 14, 2006

I Have Measured Out my Life with Coffee Spoons

photo by elisa mascarello

mountains make traveling marked yellow lines towards asheville easy. they are my home along with the people in them and i am reminded of this all the time. i have taken a step back from my experience in phialdelphia, as you can only seem to do with experiences after you are out from them a certain ways. like rivers from planes or impressionist paintings or something like that.

philadelphia is now connected to those memories of children, bedtime stories, a growing garden we planted in the spring, and all those things that will never be fixed in their lives. it also brings to mind new friends found when least suspected and held along the way. lovers. you. the vegan sensitve coffee shop and $50 a cut hair salon. the carefully chosen rock gardens and the posh, expensive corners of south street. and a house to share with people i met.

i have been given many things from the place itself. an oddly shaped room, i imagined many nights and especially in snowstorms, was a treehouse. a big porch. strangers. a blog created out of boredom that filled out the pages of my ordinary days. a space just for typing.

i have left many things behind that might only have closure because of my leaving. the secret stories in a house on manheim street now newly filled with others' treasures and groceries. the pages of feedback and prayed for change to my director and his assorted board members. the missing from children who always guessed i would be in their lives forever but will move on to other workers just as easily.

ts elliot says, "we shall not stop from exploation, and the end of all our exploring, Will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time." nights i fall asleep in the mountains, and against the blue of my now home i imagine this to be true. and that finally or for the moment, i am where i started.


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